Have you been working on losing that “nice girl” image by basking in your own glory? I would love to hear about your successes and how you’ve celebrated!
This is Part 2 to your Guide to Killer Confidence - showing your shit and feeling entitled.
Let the trumpets sound
No matter how hard you work, or how much accomplish and even if you take my advice from last week and recognize and celebrate your success, if no one else knows about the incredible things you do, you won’t get very far. If you think you just need to keep your head down and work hard, and sooner or later someone will notice you and place a tiara on your head, you’re living in la-la-land. You don't get ahead because you think you're better at your job than anyone else. You get ahead because OTHERS think you're better at your job that anyone else.
The way to ensure that your confidence doesn’t stagnate is to self-promote. Self-promotion isn’t about telling everyone you’re the “greatest” or seeking validation from others (because you already know how awesome you are, remember?!). You can promote yourself in a way that works for you - but you WILL need to get out of your comfort zone to make this happen. For example, you could say, “boss, that big project that I led for x client was a huge success. The team did a fantastic job and the client can’t wait to work with us again.” There’s no shame in sharing your success in a way that isn’t boastful whilst expressing gratitude for the support of the people around you.
Sophie, you think too much. You internalize, you anguish, you worry. Don’t try to deny it, I do the same!! But we both know that it’s not useful. So THINK LESS and instead SAY and DO MORE. Here’s how:
- Push yourself, and if you find it difficult to stay internally motivated (like I do!) ask someone to help push you along and hold you accountable. You may already do this with exercise so why not with your career?
- Stop waiting for or asking for permission to speak or act. You’re a badass who writes her own rules and doesn't need anyone else to tell her it’s okay. You’re a smart, educated, driven woman - you have opinions and you can do things you’ve never done before. We’ve developed a perfectionist model and we don’t say or do something unless we’re 100 percent certain of what we’re talking about or that we can do it. Get outside of your comfy little bubble and have faith in your ability to provide insight, to add to the discussion, to perform and to learn.
Mindy Kahling says that entitlement is a mindset - it’s simply the belief that you deserve something. If you work hard, are good at what you do, recognize it, celebrate it, tell others about it and just DO IT, you will come to believe that you are entitled to anything you choose to go after.
So no more “faking it ‘til you make it” - confidence isn’t about pretending or putting on an act. Confidence is about making a choice.